Penny, addict
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Above all, take it one day at a time.
AS BILL SEES I, p. 11
AA Daily Reflections May 20
Reply
90 day chip
Penny, Addict
Still sick, but not going to miss getting my 90 day chip from my regular 7:30 a.m. home group. Today is our meditation meeting.
On with my HOT pink juicy sweat suit. must keep with the theme, Shocking! 90 Days!
Lucy watching over the garden gate.
Thanks for letting me share.
John 3:16
AA Daily Reflections May 19
Penny, addict
GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS
And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for return.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69
doing the next right thing
Penny, addict
Walking through some old time fear as a new person. Trying to stay sober.
Almost everything in me right now wants to have a drink, just one glass of wine. I promise!
I followed direction today and walked through the valley of Hope, which once was Evil.
Tomorrow I have 90 days since my relapse, in Palm Springs.
I just hung up the phone with my sponsor and she wants me to go to the 8:00 p.m. meeting tonight even though I’m sick. I told her I was going to take some Tylenol cough syrup I have and she said, No? That’s weird… Okay.
Anyways, I’m going to do the next right thing and get in the shower and go to the meeting. I think I will get on my knees too and ask God for some direction.
music? That’s what I need – Music…. that sounds like a Michael Franti? Music Sweet Music, right? I already feel better.
Thanks for letting me share.
John 3:16
Time to be still
Penny, Addict
Woke up sick today. Throat and chest bearing down on me.
Last night I went to my Thursday night women’s meeting, it was really great to see all the regular women lined up in a huge circle.
The topic was confusing for me. What we don’t have power over. (powerless)
Um, I was called on to share and I know I didn’t make a bit of sense. I was extremely confussed by the shares that went before me. So I ended up telling a story I had heard about surrendering last week. I guess the cold was in my head last night. Also, it’s a trigger for me, Im not a reactor, I don’t like to be called on the spot, it takes me back to my childhood when I was in class and I was praying the teacher wouldn’t call on me, that I could some how be invisible. I remember thinking as a child don’t make eye contact whatever you do. Even if I knew the answer I would freeze, black out. And heaven forbid I was called up to the chalk board to solve a math problem in front of the class. OMG… just shoot me now! Same response now, just a few pounds heavier.
My sponsor said it, “being powerless is not passive, this is an action program.” We must take action. perfecto! She’s so darn smart! Keeps things so simple. I don’t know why I got so bless with an amazing sponsor filled with so much insight? I have much gratitude!
So my conclusion with that is – once we turn over our power to our HigherPower and take action with direction we are powerful and empowering. Shoot! See? Just give me a minute… I wish I could have followed her lead… Darn it… this is almost quotable! HA!
Okay, second thought? This is exactly what my story said, just using characters. Wonder if anyone got it?
The two of us, my sponsor and me, make a good team!
This will be my meeting for today. I hope you find a meeting today that speaks right to your heart.
Loving myself means taking care of me. This might be the way God is speaking to me to be still and listen and let the words flow through me. “Butterfingers.”
Thanks for letting me share.
John 3:16
AA Daily Reflections May 18
Penny, Addict
FREE TO BE ME
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83
Thanks for letting me share.
John 3:16
insanity directing me back to sanity
Penny, Addict
Some days are just better than others.
Yesterday, I did all the right things. Went to the Vedanta Temple to meditate and pray. Then I went to my regular 7:30 a.m. morning meeting. Went up to the upper village and had coffee with another addict. Returned some dreaded calls – Oh and wait there’s more, then I had lunch with one of my children with whom resents me for breaking up the family. (I’m the one who asked for the divorce.) All went extremely well until that call, that dreaded call my sponsor has been on my behind to make for months now. Talk about dredging up past shit. All the old feeling of my divorce were stirred right back up and now in the fore front of my life in an instance. Why the fuck am I going back there? I realize this is all part of the AA process to listen to your sponsor , but maybe sometimes others bring their stuff into your stuff and everyone gets all fucked up with insanity again? All with good intentions.
I need a cigarette and I don’t even smoke! Oh good sign – I thought of a cigarette and not a shot, the drink comes later.
So what to do? Another meeting? Nope. I will take a walk and go for a swim. Get back into a more positive focus. Contemplate the directions and signs my Higher Power wants me to concentrate on. “Writing my book.”
Okay here we go, shorts, t-shirt, walking shoes, sunblock, headphones, iphone and out for a good walk and a breath of fresh air. Dear God, let your will be done – show me a sign, please God speak to me, I’m desperate. I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to through all this away. Please God.
God said if he were sought the answers will come.
Out the door — as I was walking the thoughts of butterfingers kept coming to me, butterfingers? Really ? I’ve never had butterfingers. Okay I think God is telling me to go to a movie, or go get a movie and just chill out. Okay will do. I go to rent a movie and there is a big box of butterfingers, ewh. . . really God butterfingers? Okay, I’m desperate. I grab the big box and begin to eat the butterfingers, this must be a sign, right? HAHAH!! I’m walking around blockbusters to wait for a movie to leap out at me and of course one does, and it has the theme I knew it would about a writer and a love affair, this was no surprise to me. Mean while I ate the entire box of butterfingers, then crashed hard! So so gross… if this isn’t insanity behavior directing someone back to sanity I don’t know what is?
Later when I glanced over at the box and said to my self laughing “fucking butterfingers?” It all came to me, No silly girl, YOUR fingers…. “Butter”…. Good gosh, I came to realize God was giving me a sign, “let your fingers do the walking and I will do the rest.” Oh Lordy, this is what I get for always looking for a God sign in everything.
Thank God… I have a sick sense of humor! All this and I went to bed sober. I made it through this insane day, eating an entire box of candy. Both cigarette and booze free.
I was willing to go to any measures to stay focused on the path my higher power has put me on. Desperate not to stray!
Thanks for letting me share.
John 3:16
AA Daily Reflections May 17
Penny, Survivor
AND FORGIVES
Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive others-also myself.
AS BILL SEES IT, P.268
Thanks for Letting me share.
John 3:16
Good Morning
5:45 a.m. up to let Lucy out to pee and me on my knees. Feed Lucy, coffee on.
Dear God drive the cart today — take me away somewhere. Direct my steps down the path that leads to something sweet. Amen
Neil Young on the Pandora - Only Love Can Break Your Heart, ”I have a friend I never see, he hides his head inside a dream”… sounds good to me…LOL
Vedanta Temple this morning for early hour mountain dew, so yummy!
On with a summer cotton jumpsuit, white tube top underneath, hair in a long side pony tail, flip flops, some powder and a bit of pink lip stick.
Who would of ever guess this is how my life would be today? I wouldn’t of bet on me… But today, I lay it all down for me!
If your in the early days of getting sober hang in there, it gets better day by day. One day at a time and you shall see. One day you wake up and the sun doesn’t hurt, it feels like a bright sun shinny day!
Tom Petty, Wildfloweres – I belong among the wild flowers, I belong with my love on my sleeve,I belong somewhere I feel free….. I love that!!! And so do you! Let your heart be your guide.
Need to go for now.
Do the next right thing and find a room to call home? Stay Sober and stay Safe.
Thanks for letting me share
John 3:16
Some where over the rainbow-dreams really do come true!
AA Daily Reflections May 16
Penny, Survivor
WE FORGIVE
Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisors that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step five that we inwardly knew we’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, P. 58
see step 5 page.
Thanks for letting me share.
John 3:16